And What Pray Tell are you Waiting For

Hi, how are you? So, I don't know what I wanna call this podcast as I'm recording it today we're gonna call it potluck right now. I might end up with a title by the time I'm done, but we'll see. Let's go.

So, hi. So a couple things I are on my mind. I wanna talk to you about the responsibility that you have to fulfill your potential. I wanna talk to you about retreats and I wanna talk to you about the time is now. So, in no particular order, I'm gonna start with the time is now.

We lost a friend several weeks ago to a tragic accident, snowboarding accident. He was roughly my age in his early fifties. An amazing man, incredible father, longtime husband to a dear friend of mine, always greeted everyone with a smile warm handshake that slightly would crush your hand. His name is Blair Barnes, and he is, and was an incredible presence and human on this planet, and we're all very sad that he is gone.

So I am reminded, once again, I had a hard time with this one. We've lost a lot of people in our lives ,as I know all of you are listening. And this one, you know, just, it feels wrong. It's like, he was vibrant, he had all this energy, he was healthy. He just had an accident. Why, why would he not be here?

And I realized, I went to Mexico several days after he died, and I had this whole conversation with myself. And I was thinking about how, as humans, we somehow have made it mean that you're supposed to live to be old. Like, that's how it works. Like, we're born and then we're supposed to be old when we die. Even though we all have a tremendous amount of evidence that a lot of humans don't live to be old. They have accidents, they get sick. Weird, random stuff can happen. There's terrible things that happen that people are gone that we loved. And so we believe though that people should live to be old.

And then we also believe if they don't live to be old, that they have been robbed of their life. That they didn't fulfill the journey of the life. And I also believe that we believe that we've been robbed. That this person was taken from us too soon. And my good friend Brooke Castillo has taught me this phrase. Every time someone I know passes away, she will say to me, "People always die right on time". And I'll be honest, I didn't really believe her for a long time. And I realized this time, I get it.

And I wonder what would happen if we actually, instead of believing that they shouldn't be here, we instead mourn the loss of the loved one. That we don't get to see them every day, but let's celebrate that they fulfilled the promise of the lifetime. That this was why they were here. And it all happened exactly as it was supposed to. We just don't get to know our end. And so believing that this friend of ours fulfilled his life, he did everything he was supposed to do, nothing was taken.

It's sad he's not here. It sucks. It's awful for his family. They're struggling with it. It's gotta be bad. Like I understand that part. I don't wanna dismiss that part, but I wanna look at where we suffer with it, and ask different questions. So I'm posing this to you, not because I want to invite you to question what you think about death, although get it if you do, but because I want you to ask yourself about the life you're living and are you living the life that you believe is the promise of this lifetime? Are you fulfilling your potential? Are you dismissing what you're capable of because you are afraid to pursue it, because you don't wanna be embarrassed if you fail, because you don't wanna be seen.

Are you hiding from your own life? Because if you are, mama, let's go. Nobody knows what's gonna happen. And I say we have way more to do. And we are way too lost in the weeds of day-to-day antics and unhealed unattended-to thoughts and emotions that are preventing this exceptional, savory, delicious life.

Are you giving your time to people who don't respect you? Are you loving people who don't love you hard? Are you playing in a space where people dismiss you and diminish you? Stop. You are amazing. Every person on this planet is amazing. No one should ever tolerate mediocrity from themselves or from the people around them. And if you don't know how to do that, then you need support.

You don't need a worksheet. You don't need a seven step formula. You don't need any of that. You know what you need. You need someone who will listen to you and see you and own space with you and support you, and help you get inspired to tap all that gorgeous knowing that you already have.

Why are there so many people who are overweight and drug addicted because they're ignoring their own truth? Because it hurts. It hurts to tell the truth about what you know you could be doing. Instead, you do this to hide from it. You compromise and that hurts. So you know what I'll do? I'll eat another cupcake, or I'll drink another glass of wine instead of standing in my truth and taking responsibility for what I really want in my life.

And if you are a member of the privileged class, that you have access to resources, you have money, you have time, you are in a safe space, you have a home, you have at least one person who loves you, cares about you, sees you, then you've gotta take advantage of what you have, this body, this mind that you were given. If it works, what a treat. What a playground this world is for you. For me. What are we doing? Why are we wasting the time in this stuff?

I'm just like, blah. Right? I certainly was already working up to this. Blair's passing has definitely put a spin on it for me. And then I also, I'm going through massive life change, right? My family is, my youngest kids are gonna leave the house. My husband and I have sold our house. We're buying a new house. My husband and I are investing in our marriage because we love each other. We've been married for 26 years and we enjoy our time. But we've been a different couple for the last 22 years raising children. Who are we now? As a couple in their mid-fifties, like, "Hi, my name's Kris. I'm 53." Right? Like, we're trying to figure each other out again, but we're both all in on it.

And as your coach, which I consider myself, whether you hire me and pay me money ever, I believe I am your coach if you're listening to this, and here's what I want you to know, that I believe is true. I believe I have a responsibility to become the best version of myself in order to help you. I do not believe that I help you if I just regurgitate the same stuff to you all the time. And I want you to hold people to that.

If you are paying people who are experts to supposedly help you to supposedly, uh, help you navigate decisions in your business, decisions with clients, how to make more money, how to sell something, how to improve your body. If you are working with someone that does not have their own coach and then does not invest in their own mind and their own growth, please leave. Because that's a gimmick, not a truth. The only coach is worth their salt are the women and the men who truly push themselves to evolve. And I will say that till I'm blue in the face.

So I believe it is my responsibility to become the best version of myself in order to help my clients become the best version of themselves. And what I would challenge you with is that in order for your business to become the best version of itself, you as the leader need to decide if you're willing to become the best version of yourself.

And I can promise you the best version of yourself is not in someone's seven step formula. You already know what she is. You're just hiding from her. I wonder why. That's what you need help with. That's what we all need help with. You don't need more stuff. You need to get inspired. You need to be inspired to the point that you touch and tap into your own genius, your own instruction manual for this gorgeous life that you have. Because you have one.

But the older you get, and the busier you become, and the more practical you think your life needs to be, and all the stuff, the responsibilities that you accept, and the yeses that you say when you really mean no, and all the tethers that are attached to you, you build that whole infrastructure. And you get the glimmers. You're like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. This isn't what I... How did I get here? Wait, I love this part, but what's that? Oh, no." Right?

This is why I do retreats. The only way you're ever gonna reconnect to who you are is if you disconnect to the life that you live. I do not believe that you can make monumental change in your life with an hour call every now and then with someone. I just recently recorded a podcast for the Life Coach School. So if you don't listen to the Life Coach School podcast, you should go listen to this one especially, and then listen to all the rest of them because Brooke Castillo's podcast is amazing, but it's the most recent one is on why everybody should take a personal retreat.

And if you haven't listened, I'd encourage you to do that. I give you the roadmap, and I also make an offer to you on getting 30 of my favorite questions at krisplachy.com/retreatquestions. So if you want the questions, you can go get those there. But I wanna talk to you about why that's so critical, retreating as a leader of a business and a life.

Most of the people that end up in my orbit tend to absorb a lot that happens around them. You feel people, you hear people, you experience their energy. That's why I believe that so many women I coach struggle with leading a team because there's always this other chatter going on energetically, mentally, emotionally, of all the people that are around you, and it's hard to delineate between your voice and your clarity and what they want of you.

And what I wanna always hold space for is that I wanna help you build the life you want, not the life that other people want you to be living for them. And unfortunately, as much as people love you, people who are in your life, your family, your business partners, your employees, your customers, they have an invested interest in the decisions that you make, about who you become, and they will affect your thinking because they will influence you, however subtly and with no ill intent, to stay in a lane that they want you in.

But I know if you're anything like me, when you feel the tug and the call to take you in another, I know the terror of it. Sometimes it's on the most basic of levels. Like, I've been talking a lot to my clients in the SAGE program that the woman that you were who wanted to become the woman that you are is not the same woman that we need to leverage to become the woman you will be.

But what we often do is we sit as the woman that we are. And we go back to the version of ourselves that got us here, and we ask her what we want. She doesn't know what this version of yourself wants. And that's what so many of my clients say is that this work that we do together is about recrafting, reconnecting, rediscovering, or even creating this identity of this woman who's now got a successful business, who's now making millions of dollars, who's now got all these employees, who's now married or divorced, has grown kids, never had kids? What is it? Who are you today, love? That's the one we wanna talk to.

So the, the silly example for me is that I built this house. We're building this house, and I've always thought I knew what I wanted, especially when it comes to like what it's gonna aesthetically look like. And I keep looking at furniture that's like really weird, like mid-century modern, very contemporary. I'm like, who am I? I'm the like farmhouse colonial girl. Why am I liking these really like funky pod chairs? .Who am I? And I'm watching my brain not think I should have it. "No, you don't want that. Why do you want that? You don't like that." But I think I actually do like that. I think this version of me likes that. It's such a simple example, but I know you're relating to me.

You might be like, I always used to get this dinner at my favorite restaurant. Now I don't want that. I want this over here. It's so weird. I used to always love this and now I don't really like that anymore, but I don't know, maybe I should like that. I used to really love to do these activities with my family, and now I don't really enjoy them anymore. I wanna do this.

You know, you get to change your mind, but when you don't live that truth, that's when you start all the suppressive behaviors to hide from yourself. Do you feel that? I'm very, very motivated on this podcast. I'm out of breath. I want you to hear me. I want this to hit you. I want you to know how capable you are. I want you to know that you don't have to do it alone. I want you to know that the wisdom and those whispers that you get, that's good news. Even if it's scary. I want you to know that you're not gonna get dreams and ideas and all the things that come to your mind. You're not gonna get those if they're not meant for you.

But our patience is fleeting and so is our attention, and that's why retreating is critical, because you have to give those thoughts, those dreams, that wisdom enough time to grab hold, to get anchored, to tether to you, instead of just be like a pass, a thought in the shower, something you think about right when you wake up. It has to become a thing that you invest in, that you pour into so that you can see what the potential might be.

And I know if your life is like all the rest of ours, there's no time for that inestment. And because of that, you don't actually even make time because it feels heavy to think about. So then you'll just respond to email instead. You'll just do this instead. You'll just take care of the kids instead. You'll just do, you'll just do drive people somewhere instead. You'll just eat that cupcake instead. You'll just drink that wine instead. You'll just do that instead of listening and honor.

The last thing I'm gonna say about retreats, my husband and I were having this conversation yesterday and he was talking about how he talks to - he does physical therapy and so he has women who talk about what their lives and things, and he tells 'em what I do. And you know, we were talking about how people say to him, you let your wife just go to Hawaii, you don't get to go and, you know, I mean, the truth is, understanding other people's families is like going to a foreign country.

So, you know, my husband and I have this agreement, and the agreement has been since we've known each other, we don't get to decide what other people do with their lives. I mean, we love each other. We share our life together and we make decisions together. But he would never tell me I can't do something, nor would I. He would never tell me I have to include him as a rule. To me, that just speaks of insecurity. It speaks of all the things.

It is a huge passion of mine. When women say to me they can't come on a retreat because their husband, insert here: he doesn't approve. He doesn't want me to go. He doesn't want me to go alone. He thinks he should have to come with me.

And I want you to recognize that there's way too many of you who have normalized that. You're even gonna argue with me, and you're gonna argue with me right now about it. You're gonna say, "No, that's what couples do. They do things together. They..." No, not everything, love. I know you don't do everything together.

But there's something about this that all of a sudden, there you go, feeling like you have to be inclusive and you don't wanna have a special thing just for you. Your husband has to have it too. It wouldn't be fair if you go by yourself. Why? Really think about that challenge.

Be willing to be uncomfortable with the fact that you might have been believing all this time that that's true, when it isn't. That there could be really happy marriages on the planet where people get to decide to do things apart every now and then that you as a whole human deserve, have earned, are worthy of.

Just because you breathe air some time alone in a beautiful, luxurious hotel, king size bed, listening to the ocean, like, that you get to have that if you want it. But to use the excuse of: I'm not allowed. He doesn't approve. He would get mad. He'd feel left out. I just want you to sit with that because first of all, if that's really true, that's totally manipulative, and if that's also just you saying, I'm afraid to go on my own, then own that.

I had a client that was just this last experience. She was very nervous to come by herself. It scared her. I get being scared. It is scary. Life is scary. Lots of things are scary. And of course now as soon as she got there, she was like, "Oh, I'm gonna do this again."

The last thing I'm gonna say is, when I was in Tulum, I love Tulum, by the way, if you haven't been to Tulum, you might wanna come with me on a retreat that I'm gonna do there someday. I can't wait. I did a breathing class, followed by an ice bath. Now, I will tell you this, is I am not the physical girl, challenge girl. Like, I don't do hard physical things. I never have, there's a whole story there, but I was gonna do this. We were sitting in this beautiful like thatched tent, watching this incredibly interesting instructor teach us how to breathe.

And I had all these weird experiences, my hands tingled, and I was freaking out and thank God I was with my client, who's a doctor. So I just kept grabbing onto her like, I'm gonna be okay, right? I'm gonna pass out. And I just forced myself to do it because I was like, I'm gonna do something. I'm gonna do something for the first time that I've never done before. So I'm gonna do this.

And then it got to be the ice bath. 43 degree tub, full of ice, literally and water. And I got in that thing and sat in that for the full three minutes. He timed us. And I, listen to me, I don't, I loved it. I don't know if I'll do it again. I think I need it to be a class to like force myself to do it cuz I tried to do it alone and I'm could not muster it up. I'm like, "Oh, this is cold! I'm gonna get out."

But I was so proud of myself for doing a thing. For pushing myself. Because you know why? I'm better for it, and I know I'm a better coach. I'm better for my clients when I push myself through the process of growth. And I challenge every single one of us who are in leadership roles to believe me that you have to be willing to stretch to be better. And the more you stretch, and the better you get at really emotionally managing yourself through difficult moments, the better you become as a day-to-day operational leader. The two go hand in hand.

So I told you this would be potluck and it kind of is, but I hope you heard something in here that brings you value and that you take away. I always love to know. Email us at [email protected]. Tell us what your thoughts are, and until next time, I'll talk to you soon.

Hey, are you ready to step up as a leader and really step in to your own voice and feel amazing and confident and competent? I'd love to invite you to join me and my team live, May 9th, 10th, and 11 here in El Dorado Hills, California. Just go to krisplachy.com/lead and you'll see all the details there. I can't believe that we can finally all get together in person. I'm super excited about this opportunity and I'm so hopeful that you'll join us.