Are you an Answer JunkieOct 09, 2023
I’m an answer junkie. Are you one too? What exactly is an answer junkie? In short, it’s someone who wants answers and is not content in not knowing.
In this episode, I explore the reality of navigating life as an answer junkie. Answers can make things make sense, can bring structure to things that feel chaotic… but not everything has an answer. So what, then, does the answer junkie do? Let’s talk about it.
“Not everything has an answer. Some things are just questions.” – Kris Plachy
What You’ll Learn
- Defining an answer junkie
- Some things are just questions
- What’s true right now
- Believe instead
- Detaching and re-choosing
Contact Info and Recommended Resources
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Hello. Kris Plachy, and I'm on a walk. And I'm thinking about, just finished another incredible retreat. Eight of us here sitting in the divine paradise that we come to. And probably a little bit at a loss for words, I probably could do a much better job at helping you know what this is like, but just have to decide that you're ready to come and experience it.
But a lot of healing, a lot of advancing in self discovery of knowledge, insight. And also a lot of questions. And I decided that this podcast probably should just be for my fellow answer junkies. Which I tend to consider myself as, as well. What is an answer junkie, you ask? Answer junkie is someone who wants to know answers at all costs.
You want to know why you feel this way. You want to know why this is this way. You want to know why they act this way. You want to know why this happened. You want to know why it bothers you that this happened. You want to know why you can't let it stop bothering you that it happened. You want to stop being bothered. So you get mad at, why are you bothered? Is this resonating?
Answers are fun in a way that like math can be fun. And I hesitate to say that because I'm not much of a mathematician. But answers are rewarding because we can feel sated if we have an answer, right? But not everything has an answer. Some things are just questions. You know? Why does this person make me uncomfortable? I don't know, but I don't need to. I'm going to trust the feeling. Why is this decision so impossible for me to make? I don't know. But I'm just going to trust that I'm not supposed to make it. Why can I not find the right person for this position yet? I don't know. You're just gonna trust that you're not supposed to find them.
Why do I keep facing the same issue? I think in my attempt to figure it out, I'm perpetuating it. I think this is a little counter to what we're taught, right? Which is to solve all the problems and fix everything, figure it all out. And I just know for myself, my brain like immediately wants to do that. It immediately wants to solve problems.
And so what I've been practicing for myself and even with my clients, it's like, what if there just isn't a good answer? What if we just decide, I don't know why you can't stop eating Oreos. I don't know if it's because of your mother or your house that you grew up in, or that girlfriend that you work great, or I don't know. But here's what I know now, is you don't want to eat Oreos, you see? So, why don't we just stop eating Oreos and stop asking me questions.
(Unintelligible) Probably because you have lots of reasons to be mad about yourself when you're really well rehearsed. Shall we keep thinking about them? Is that helping? Is it helping to erase things off of shitty thoughts you think about yourself all the time? I don't think it is. So what if instead of asking, 'Why do we think this way?' We just say, I don't know.
You know what I'm tired of? Big words. So maybe I'll just stop. Maybe I'll just notice it and change my mind. The answers, aren't always what they're cracked up to be. Right? And I think some of them are amazing. And super fun to find. And so rewarding. And so, like, sating. Like, "Oh, that's it! Oh my god, that's it!" And you're so excited.
But the other ones, that you just stay on, what if you just decide, you know, my brain loves this question, and I don't want to keep giving it fuel, in the form of confusion. So, instead, I'm going to redirect it, I'm just going to decide there's not an answer, and that's okay. I can still live a beautiful, full, healthy, gorgeous life without one. That my lack of understanding and my lack of knowing is not a sign of incompetence, weakness. It's not an indicator that I have some unhealed wound, or maybe it is. But what's true is right now, I'm a functioning adult who can see that that question makes me feel terrible. I'm not gonna ask it anymore. I'm just gonna make a new decision. I'm just gonna choose this.
So instead of, "Why do I always want to have the Oreos?" Or, "Why do I always want to believe I'm not any good at this?" You just in that moment think, "Meh. I don't care about Oreos", or, "Yeah, I'm going to have one." Or, you know, "If I still want one in an hour, I'm going to have one." And why do I always just feel I'm so un incompetent or not worthy? But you know what I'm gonna do is that I'm gonna believe I'm Sasha Fierce. I'm a woman of the earth who feels worthy, perfect, the way I am.
I choose to at least no longer be the woman who indulges feeling unworthy. How about we just make it super simple? Stop the seek of the answer, because I do believe seeking it tethers it to you. And I actually think that there are some questions that just don't have an answer. They just have lots of answers, but they don't have the one answer that you want that will just like quelch this confusion in you.
And so instead of continuing to ask it, let's just decide, okay, that question doesn't have an answer. So I'm going to do this one instead. So I'm going to choose this instead. I'm going to stop trying to control how I feel and what I think. That I can somehow miraculously not think this anymore and instead I'll just tell myself, yeah, that question doesn't have an answer.
So what do we want to do instead? I did some of this with my clients here in Hawaii and one of my clients was like, "I like this version of coaching." Just decide, I'm not a woman who needs to ask that question anymore. I'm not a woman who needs to know the answer anymore. You know what kind of woman I am? I'm this kind of woman. And define her! Unanswered questions that we've been asked on repeat our whole lives just keep us tethered to our past selves. And our past selves, we all did the best we could when we could, yeah? But we aren't her anymore.
Take a look at yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror today. Talk to her. What do you think about this question? I don't think we should ask it anymore. What do you think? See what she says. She might say, "You're right. It's a dumb question."
I wonder what your brain is doing with this podcast. So, I'm just going to leave that for your thoughts for the week. If you want a little exercise, you can just write it down. What are the questions I keep asking myself on repeat that I am so sick of, and let's just decide there's no answer, not one that's going to help, anyway. So how about we release the pursuit of the best answer and we either pick one or we stop asking and we move along. We just decide what am I going to do next? What's next on my list to accomplish in this gorgeous life. Give that a think.
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