Where Leadership Really Comes From

Good morning, my beautiful people, or afternoon or evening, wherever you are in the world. This is Kris Plachy, Leadership is Feminine, and I am coming at you from Hawaii, on a walk. So this is another edition of Walking With Kris. A little huffing and puffing because I've been walking now for a while, thinking about this podcast and you and some of my own discovery.

So this podcast we're going to talk about unconventional leadership. So let's do it. So let's talk about unconventionality. Just being unconventional. I've been doing some coaching with my own coach. What started it was really talking about sort of this angstiness that I've had for quite some time about what it is that I do.

And as I've referenced several times now, I'm making some changes. And I want to do my best to explain to you why. And also to help you have something to think about. So as I said, I have always kind of been a little bit different. I've always just had slightly different perspective than others, which for the most part has served me well. I think that's part of being a visionary person is you see a future, you see a path that others don't. And I also have a strong level of confidence that the path I see, it's achievable. And so that's why I think I've led the life that I live, right?

We were just doing some retreating here with my Sage clients and we played around like with what's your sentence? What's your life sentence? And mine was "I get what I want." So I believe that's true. But I lose people along the way. I collect different ones because what I want and how I want to go about it is not the same as everybody else. And I have struggled being a personality brand. That's one of the things we people call us.

I tend to think of myself more as a paid expert because there are very traditional - and I say traditional meaning in the last seven or eight years - ways of building notoriety, exposure, clients, when you're kind of who I am. Branded expert, or expert, paid expert, or a brand, whatever, personality brand.

So that is what I have rebelled against. I've had a lot of issues with because it's felt, for as long as I've been doing it, it's just wrong. I haven't quite been able to figure out what that was until really, just recently, I've started to really find my voice here. I always just felt wrong. And I think there's a lot of you who are listening, as I would imagine, given you listen to my podcast, that have also found that there are conventional methodologies in the space in which you work and operate that you also find wrong for you.

Maybe it's restrictive, maybe it's out of alignment, maybe it's just unethical for you. As I think about what I do for my clients, and what I believe I'm here to do for my clients, the struggle has been that in order to get your attention from a conventional point of view, so, draw you in, I need to talk about the things that you think will solve all your problems. There's marketing.

So my clients tend to think the things that will solve their problems is learning how to hire people, learning how to fire people, learning how to deal with people who don't do what you want them to do, learning how to delegate. Which, I have responded to and been teaching for years. But when I really look at what's actually happening, because I now have oodles of clients that I've worked with, and here's what I can tell you, they all do what they learned from me differently. So it wasn't the tactic that actually solved their problem.

It was them becoming the woman who knew how to solve it. And this is so different. Because when you become the woman who knows how to solve it, anything in your business, in your life, doesn't matter what the tactic is. But the world wants us to believe that the answer is in a system. That the answer is in a tactic.

Years ago, if you took the Myers Briggs whatever, questionnaire, profile assessment, I don't know what we call it. I'm certified in it, which is kind of ironic. And I got an ENFJ, which means I'm an extroverted, sensing, feeling, excuse me, I'm an ENFP, forgot that. Sorry. I'm a sensing, feeling, perceiving. That's sort of the P. So that last letter is how we organize our world. Now most of the world, when they take the Myers Briggs, comes out with a J, which just stands for judging, but it doesn't mean the word that they use. I don't know why they use that, but J's like order, they like structure, they like time management, and they like calendars, and they like all that.

And we live in a J world. We live in a world that says you're only as good as how much you conform to the organization systems that society has created. Well, I'm a P, and a P is not down for all that. P's struggle with that. P's prefer flow, moments, connections. P's don't love a calendar. P's don't love an agenda. P's want to meet the moment. So, when you're a P, I did an article on this a long time ago, when you're a P in the J world, there's already this always feeling a little bit wrong.

Because I'll tell you what, I don't even think about the things that J's think about. It doesn't even occur to me. It's not that I'm leaving it out. It's that it's not even on my brain. So I'm already very unconventional, right? It's just my nature.

Then I did the emergent genetics profile. If you haven't done that one, that's my favorite. It tells you how your brain prefers to work. So it's less about personality and more about brain function. And I was, there's four quadrants, conceptual, social, analytical, structure. I was collectively 95 percent conceptual social. Which means my brain prefers to think and operate in ideas and with people. I was a combined 5 percent analytical and structured.

And so it doesn't surprise me that my whole life, my team and my clients have all said, "Is there an agenda?" And I'm like, "Oh shit, no, I didn't think about that." Because why would I? We're all going to get together. We're going to solve your problem. But when you operate that way, and why that people expect it of you, after- I mean, I'm 53, right? You start to think you're wrong. I start to believe, I'm not doing it right. And I get reminded of that frequently.

Why isn't there an agenda? Why isn't there, you know, whatever. You know why? I don't think it matters. And my experience proves that. I don't need an agenda to help you. You're the agenda. You bring the content. You and I will find the answer. But that's so unconventional. Is that something you could believe? Could you believe that an answer exists if it's not already written down in a workbook? What do you think?

Can you believe that we could find every ounce of knowing, insight, wisdom that you could possibly ever need just through a conversation. And I wonder what that does to you? Because I think there's some of you listening that completely calms your nervous system down. And there's some of you listening that completely freaks you out. And I get it. And I don't think either one of you are wrong.

But what I would like to invite you, as a leader, to do Is to understand that about yourself first and where you have believed you've been operating wrong. I want you to question that and I want you to ask yourself, am I believing this because convention says I'm doing it wrong? When you have all this evidence, you have people who work for you, you have a successful organization, you've put your ideas in the world and they've thrived, you've done all this amazing work in the world and yet you use this piece to tell yourself you're wrong, you're not doing it right. That's a lie.

And we asked, you know, we just had this conversation with Sage, because we were talking about paradigms, right? And what are these paradigms that we've all told ourselves things are supposed to be? They're supposed to exist, right? And we were talking about masterminds. And I've had several people in my life be like, "You know, you got to get that mastermind together. You know, it's mastermind season. This is the time when people are looking for their next mastermind."

And I don't begrudge anybody who's got in a hugely successful mastermind. So do not misunderstand me, but why do I have to do that? Why do I have to call it that? It isn't what that is to me. A mastermind was born out of, I think, Napoleon Hill. First of all, it's an incredibly racist term to me. People try to talk me out of that. I don't care. I still think the word master, it's silly that even if, even if that is just patronizing, if you go back to monarchy, if you go back way, way even well before there was ever slavery here in the US, we could look at "Yes, master" like way back. Somehow the masters get together and they mind. I don't like the word. And it's contrived.

What is a mastermind supposed to look like? It's supposed to look like what everybody else does. Otherwise it's not a mastermind. Just be a leader and question the things you believe. That's leadership, love.

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's wrong. And just because it's the same doesn't mean it's wrong. What matters is, are you doing what you're doing because it's the best expression of you? And if it's coming out of the workbook that someone else's brain created, that isn't you. That's them and you mimicking.

Leadership is being in front. It's standing there and saying, "Dude, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but we're going to go this way." Leadership is developing the agency to trust your mind, to believe yourself first, to explore the recesses of your triggers, to develop emotional acumen so that you are not using your business or your team or other people to hide from your own discomfort. Leadership is knowing what you want and knowing that that can change. Leadership is literally understanding yourself enough so that you get yourself out of the way. But if you call yourself the leader, but you're always looking for the next leader to tell you what to do I want you to really sit with that. Like, what's happening?

There's a difference between feeling inspired by people and needing other people to tell you the answer. And I honestly, like, I will tell you, this is a constant angst of mine, but I see it in myself. Like, when is the adult coming? Where's the answer book? Who knows what I should do here? You know what the answer is? No one. Well, and only someone me, but it might not be the version of me that I am today. It's probably a version of me that I have yet to become. And that, my love, is the work. That is the dive. You are the workbook.

Now, I can shout out to you, as I just have, the tenets, the things that I believe help you become her. I've already kind of yelled a few of them into this podcast, right? Emotional acumen, radical self awareness, boundaries, clear, concise vision, release of emotional triggers, understanding that other people, your business, your clients are not on this planet to change how you feel. Having conversational acumen, being able to communicate ideas and transfer information in a way that it can be heard, not just in a way that makes you feel better. This is leadership. This is the woman who stands in front, who can handle anything. So she has to solve a problem. She understands that she has all the mechanisms and all the tools in place to be able to solve it.

And then what she might need is some counsel. If it's something she's never dealt with before, she might need to seek out that advisor. "I just bought a business. What are the 10 things I need to make sure I consider?" Not, "How do you buy business? What do you do? I'm, not sure. Is it the right time? Should I buy a business?" "For 29. 99, I'll tell you."

Women are magic. It's something that I think I've believed longer than I know. I think that we live in a world that wants you to not trust yourself. I think we are spoken to insidiously in a way that reminds you that you are a weaker sex, that you have things to be worried about, like how you look and how pretty you are, what your wrinkles are, rather than your substance, that you are truly magical, and that you can create magic.

But if you're too busy doubting that ability of yourself, that core part of who you are, keeps you small. And that serves people when women don't understand and trust themselves. I certainly would love to help you build a great team. Don't get me wrong. I know the freedom that comes with that.

But I want you to understand that the freedom you actually seek is the freedom of knowing that no matter who's on your team, you're going to be fine. No matter what's going on in your company, you've got this. That you have agency, you have resilience, you don't act out of triggers. You don't lose your, you know what? You are poised and competent, reflective, open, intelligent, intuitive. Those become your assets when you work with me. And that is what I want for you.

Because the truth is, you're going to face decisions in your business that I've never faced. I coach women all day dealing with things I've never dealt with. How is that possible? How can I do that? How can I help a woman who's running a $30 million business when I never have? Because I help her become the woman who knows how to make her own decisions. Not because I teach her the system and operating tools that you need for a $30 million business. Stop buying into that.

If nothing else, just stop buying processes thinking it will solve all your problems. The way that you're going to solve every problem is to invest in yourself. That's it. I hate to break it to you. I guess maybe that's disappointing. I think it's so empowering. Because guess what? Guess who's with you all day? Guess who is your very, very best friend? Even though you might be ignoring her a little bit. There's that old proverb, right? Get a guy a fish, you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. Right? Like that's what I sort of in here.

And then also, one other one, right? Like within the oak seed, all the design that is necessary to make that oak tree. And I believe that's true for each one of you. Like you already have this beautiful design. You have your own unique experiences. You have your own unique thoughts. You have your own unique energy. I don't want you to mimic mine.

I want you to find yours and then I, as your coach, I'm just going to hold it for you. I'm going to let you learn what your troop is and then I'm going to hold it for you. And then when you get confused or you get a little lost or you don't know what to do, I'm going to give it right back to you. "You know, love, remember? Remember this? Remember these portraits that you told me? Are they still true? And if they were still true, how does the woman who believes in that make this decision?"

I'll leave this with a couple of things. If you are called to work with me, you can always just email [email protected] and tell us why.

My recommendation is you go to krisplachy.com and you learn about how to start getting involved. We have ways for you to get some exposure to what I do at a mini level, before you make a bigger investment. But regardless, whether you hire me or not, I hope that you hear what I've said, that you are not a conventional woman. You've already proven that.

And we don't need more people on the planet looking and acting and behaving like everybody else on the planet. What we need is the visionaries on the planet to set new direction based on their wisdom, based on their dreams, based on their sense of knowing. That's what we need now.

We need the birth of unconventionality. We need to move ourselves as a species forward. And not just keep rehashing the same stuff. Wherever it is you go to do that, I hope you find your voice and your strength.

Thank you for tuning in today.

Lead for Women is now open for registration. If you're a woman and you are also a visionary, somebody who sees the world differently than it is, and you are eager to achieve that through your work and by leveraging the hearts and minds of others, then I invite you to go to thevisionary.CEO/lead and learn everything you can about our Lead program.

While it's not for everyone, it really is for you if you are a woman who is ready to learn how to think better, so you can lead better, and you can live better. You have a legacy to leave here and I wanna help you leave it by enhancing and improving how you show up as a woman who leads. Join us there.